and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
