thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
