dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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