i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
