break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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