Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
