i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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