thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
