you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
