End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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