Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
