I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
