this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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