The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
