Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
