all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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