Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize