OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
