she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
