piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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