I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
