he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
