I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
