upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
