Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
