I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
