As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
