then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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