Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
