but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
