she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize