I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
