How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize