Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
