Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
