if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
