I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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