I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
love makes seman taste better
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
