I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
