made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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