I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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