Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
