Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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