I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
