lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
