Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
