Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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