Cold hands, warm shart.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dicks are not precious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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