Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
