Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize