it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
