remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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