I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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