I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
