So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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