How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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