He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
