I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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