i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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