brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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