Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
