I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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