Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
