You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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