she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
