textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
