Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
