Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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