I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
