Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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