Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
