I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
id be glad to
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize