i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
