She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
