You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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