Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
