the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
