Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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