Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
