her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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