you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
