Where is the hickey?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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