The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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