i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
