His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
