fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
