if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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