2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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