I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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